Hi Readers,
I keep taking these hiatuses and I do sincerely apologise for that.
But for us to move forward to the future, we have to examine the immediate past. You know what I found? That it is a pretty fudging small world after all. In a city of almost a million people of different personalities, styles, body shapes, ethnic variations, sexual preferences, etc., the dating world is still too cramped. If some mad scientists got together and examined the relationship microcosm under a microscope, even they would be quite shocked with the interlacing chaos of that petri dish.
Exhibit A:
A long time ago, in a far away universe, I liked this guy who was an asshole. He was the king of the assholes, no, the emperor of all the asshole kingdoms of all the asshole lands. Months later, I would run into him and a Lady Companion at parties, on the street, etc. I was over it but I also had my sights on a new boy. Tall, blonde and handsome. Body of a Greek god (I never saw it but it was one of those things you could tell). After some digital courting, Greek god and I decide to get together and share a meal. After I did some online snooping, I discovered Greek god was Facebook friends with King Asshole's Lady Companion. Something with that didn't sit well and I spent the night writhing in my blankets. Though that, most likely, was from the bad burrito I ate for dinner. No matter, the next day, I ping a friend and ask him if Greek god is dating someone. He answers yes, and very clearly spells out the name of King Asshole's Lady Companion. Or should I say, ex-Lady Companion.
Me: "WHAAAAT?"
Him: "What do you girls see in this guy anyway? Everyone is in love with him."
Me: "Hello?? Have you seen him?"
Exhibit B:
It's no secret that online dating has become a mainstay in our dating culture. Look at Jdate, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony, ChristianMingle, Coffee Meets Bagel, etc. As you know from my previous entry, I am a regular user of OkCupid.
A girl friend of mine signed up for the service around the same time. She went on a date on Friday after work with her first candidate and I went on a Sunday evening date with my first candidate. I shall nickname him Desperate Guy. Desperate Guy seemed quite vehement about entering an exclusive, monogamous, I-will-probably-turn-into-a-crazy-stalker-and-never-let-you-go, relationship. As you can imagine, I wasn't quite looking to hitch my wagon to his. Not only that, he started talking about his previous OKC dates with me. Very weird. Something that he said tipped me off, and the next day I pinged my girlfriend to ask how her date went.
Turns out my inkling was right. We had both gone on a date with Desperate Guy! We both didn't like him, and both politely declined his invitation for a second date.
Exhibit C:
I left the best for last.
Turns out my girlfriend and I are basically dating sisters. This time we both went on 3 dates with the same individual. There wasn't anything awfully wrong with Super Active Dude but I wasn't feeling the spark.
Well, there were a few of things about him turned me off. One, he played way too much tongue acrobatics he kissed. Two, when we cuddled, he made barbaric moaning noises. Whoa buddy, I'm flattered that I'm turning you on that much but we're just cuddling. And if you were trying to bat a homerun after that oral symphony, your chances have been wiped out. And last but not least, he ate an obscene amount of food. As his nickname would suggest, he was incredibly active and did every sport known to man so his caloric intake was a million times higher than normal. It just grossed me out.
My girlfriend had her own reasons for dumping him. In the end, it made me feel better about my decision too.
We've joked that we will start a Google Doc with all of our OkCupid screen names. Maybe then, we won't be singing about how small of a world it is, after all.
XOXO,
Dating Aficionado
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