Unicorns, Sex and Gates

Dear readers,

A little while ago, my friend introduced me to a Subreddit called The Red Pill. The Red Pill produces inflammatory opinions and consequent acerbic comments regularly, but when I lean the microscopic lens more closely, I discover hidden gems that express my view of relationships and dating.

Red Pill is full of instructions and anecdotes on how and why men should chase prurient interactions, including juggling multiple ladies without promising explicit commitment to any one of them. But Red Pill users don't rule out relationships because they believe in the existence of a Unicorn, a woman who has value beyond sex and is a worthy companion and partner. Unicorns are rare, thus their nickname.

Related to the concept of a Unicorn is the concept of gatekeeping. The Red Pill states that women are the gatekeepers of sex while men are the gatekeepers of relationships. Women who have a high partner count are generally labeled "sluts," jumping from mattress to mattress and tugging down pants faster than you can say...well you know. But what recent Red Pill subreddit stated was that a high partner count was not the cause of a woman's "sluttiness" but rather a symptom. In fact,"a slut is a woman who does not have the ability to turn sexual encounters into relationships."

I'm not sure I'd use the same wording but I agree with the concept. A man will not leave you after sex, even if you have sex early on, unless he feels that you don't contribute anything else to the relationship or his life. 

But that statement only addresses half of the puzzle: the characteristics of a woman that make her desirable beyond physical capacities. What about the value the man brings to the table? But even before I address that, let's investigate the actual issue. Men, and especially men these days, don't want to take the time to uncover what makes a woman special. Ok Red Pill users, you say that Unicorns are rare. But how sure of you are that? How can you really get to know a woman through a text asking her "what's up?" So you both share a love of hiking which you learned during an hour-long inebriation, but does that constitute a real connection?

I often see the other phenomenon happen in the form of hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is defined as "the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behaviour does not conform," or more simply, "pretense." These men are waiting to be taken aback by this supposedly perfect woman who will walk along and behave like this exceptional Unicorn. But in reality these men date plain Janes, hot girls who are are just that, hot, and reversely, though I know I'll get flack for this, unattractive girls who could stand to hop on an elliptical and stop shopping at Old Navy. I know MULTIPLE men whose ex-girlfriends have put them in jail in a fit of irrational, immature rage, even though the man was not at fault.

So my friend and I set to ask ourselves why.  Why do men like dating girls who might be deemed "lower value?" Is it because they're more submissive, they're less work to "manage" and have less of a risk to stray? A woman of "higher value" might have more options and could be lured away. A woman of "higher value" could reject you, whether it's an explicit breakup, or an implicit trumping of your career, when the woman receives a promotion, increase in salary, etc.

I honestly believe everyone has some sort of value or demonstrates unique qualities. This might be your passion for your job, a fascinating hobby, your ability to listen and empathize, or your insatiable thirst for travel. Or it could be all of the above. Or you could also be completely unhinged, never have an original thought and be about as exciting as paint drying. Men, stop complaining that there are no intellectually stimulating women out there, when all you do is pounce on miniskirts stumbling out of bars. Don't say a Unicorn is rare when I see 5 perfectly good women around you! Women, the same goes for you with men.

When I reject you as a romantic partner, I am not rejecting you as a human being. But before we even reject each other as lovers, let's get to know each other as people. The good and the bad. We should only keep fear and judgement behind that gate.

XOXO,
Dating Aficionado