Salsa. An exciting dance. Sensuous at times. And everything in between. But when you go salsa dancing out in clubs, studios, etc. you definitely don't go with the intention of hooking up or meeting a guy you might want to date. You go for the dancing. You go to have fun. On the other hand, when you start going consistently, you start running into the same people...
So I kept running into SP*. He's a very good dancer, much better than me. He's been dancing for about 4 years. We started flirting one night which led to a slightly saucy text message from my part ;) The next night he asks me on a pseudo-date. It wasn't totally a date in my mind, though I know he disagrees. The next week we went dancing a couple of times. This past weekend we spent almost the whole weekend together. At his initiation of course. It seems like things are going well, but it's still pretty early. (I say it's been about a week, he says it's been two).
The question is, is it good to date a salsa dancer?
1. When you go salsa dancing, you tend to dance with a lot of people. It's more fun that way and you also improve much quicker when you dance with multiple people. Unfortunately, it can make you jealous. "What, who's that girl? Why is he dancing with her? Arghhhh!" But if you trust the guy, you have to remind yourself, it's just dancing and that's how it's done.
2. If you break up, it will be very awkward to run into him again. And you will run into him if you both go dancing a lot.
So far I have no consensus. But it did get me thinking about the initial stages of dating.
When you first start dating somebody, it's good to have no investment, despite how much you might already like that person. People are huge variables, and anything could happen. You could decide very suddenly you're not interested, he could end up being a real ahole, there's no spark between you, etc. A very good friend told me, "don't put your life on hold for the guy." Well, I'd like to think I haven't gotten into that habit, but I'm no angel. Too often, we girls analyze every little thing a guy does to try to figure out how much he likes us. Guilty! Well, he said "I'd love to.." in this text and he asked me three times this week to hang out! We need to throw the analysis out the window. It's too much effort on our part! Let him woo and impress you. Let him wonder, "does she like me, does she want to hang out, why is she responding so slowly??" Why should we torment ourselves? It's basically imbedded in our DNA to do all this analysis, but we got to start toning it down.
Additionally, when you are in the beginning stages of dating, don't every assume a guy is invested unless you get a clear sign. I'm trying to look at things with a very clear slate and not have expectations. I've heard a LOT of lines over the years, and a lot of very believable ones. Actions speak louder than words. But fuck, sometimes even actions aren't the best indicators!! I've seen a lot of "believable" actions as well. Take salsa guy, we've hung out a lot, he says he's not going to date anybody else, but frankly I can't say I feel totally secure about the whole thing. So I'm taking my friends advice and going the no investment/no expectation route. Never invest in anybody who's not investing in you. And if you do decide somebody is worthy of investment, remember that investment happens over time. I'm assuming if we have the TALK, that will be a pretty good sign.
I'm not saying I know everything, and sometimes I need to take my own advice! But I thought I'd share some very good tidbits I've heard and lessons I've already learned. Feel free to comment, whether you agree or disagree.
XOXO,
Dating Aficionado
No comments:
Post a Comment